This week the Romney campaign introduced “Paco”, a taco-loving cartoon parrot, in hopes of appealing to Latino voters. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow The Onion on Twitter: www.twitter.com
Related posts:
- Romney To Travel Back In Time To Kill Liberal Versions Of Himself Seeking to dispel accusations of flip-flopping, Romney unveiled plans to use a time machine to kill earlier versions of himself who believed in universal health care and gay rights. Subscribe......
- Poll Reveals GOP Nomination Now Two-Way Race Between Mitt Romney, Total Voter Apathy The FDA urges Americans to check out a really weird-looking potato, a suitcase looks forward all year to the carousel ride, and Syria is running dangerously low on citizens to......
- Romney, Santorum Supporters To Beat Living Shit Out Of Each Other At Montana Primary Onion News Network political analyst Jason Copeland explains Montana’s unique primary process, in which the state’s delegates are awarded to the winner of a no-holds-barred street fight. Subscribe to The......
- Romney’s Super Tuesday Polls Surge After He Begins Flaunting His Wealth Instead of downplaying his millionaire status, Mitt Romney is now wearing fur coats and gold chains. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow......
- Obama Begs Voters Not To Make His Daughters Switch Schools The Obama campaign unveils a new strategy: urging Americans to keep him in the White House so Sasha and Malia don’t have to make new friends. (Aired 11/18/11) Subscribe to......
- Embarrassing Bounced Check From Greece Taped Up In IMF Headquarters The Vatican dispatches an elite team of bishops to sabotage contraceptive manufacturer Pfizer, an embarassing bounced check from Greece is taped up in the IMF headquarters, and Chris Kattan wonders......
- Heartbroken Santorum Condemns Gay Marriage For Two-Timing Jerks Like Nick An emotional Rick Santorum stepped up his anti-gay rhetoric this week, saying jerks like Philadelphia’s Nicholas Wiseman should not be allowed to marry a man they barely know when there’s......
- Brain-Dead Teen, Only Capable Of Rolling Eyes And Texting, To Be Euthanized The parents of 13-year old Caitlin Teagart have decided to end her life, saying she can now do nothing but lay on the couch and whine about things being “gay.”......
- Report: Typical City Bus Contains No Fewer Than Four Erections At Any Given Time A Greyhound bus crash claims 30 miserable lives, a Stanford study finds no logical reason why planes are able to fly, and a local man goes and gets himself hit......
- Man With Nice Eyes Blown Female voters can’t help fawning over sexist GOP candidates, a homesick kid on a sleepover just needs to tough it the fuck out, and Neil DeGrasse Tyson lets it slip......
- It Easy To Tell What Area Man Will Look Like As Skeleton An anxiety-ridden man is rightly ashamed of every single thing that he does, half a sleeve of Oreos is lost in a house fire, and a local man has had......
- Minnesota Braces For Return Of Bachmann’s Full Attention A fight kind of runs out of steam 15 seconds in, George Washington laments that his vision of the future has not been realized, and Philip Morris releases its new......
- Black Conservatives Support Candidate Whose Religion Believes Black People Bear Mark Of Cain The nation’s gross doctors recommend drinking eight cups of clam juice per day, a snake gets a tattoo of a dude on its face, and the Supreme Court overturns Right......
- Eric Cantor Tossed By Bucking Mitch McConnell During Congressional Rodeo A local man is proud he can still fit into his car from high school, “Stray To Be Destroyed” tops the list of cat names for the 24th straight year,......
- Obama Urges Citizens To Hide Evidence Of Our Formerly Prosperous Lives From Nation’s Young Children Movie fans demand to see new Heath Ledger performance in ‘Dark Knight Rises,’ a truly authentic Mexican restaurant is shut down immediately, and another dead body is tossed on a......
- World’s Youngest Person Born Meth addicts demand the government address the nation’s growing spider menace, KY introduces a new line of jam, and Prince Fielder reports to spring training exactly the right amount overweight.......
- Facebook To Allow Changes To Privacy Settings If Users Guess Word In Locket Worn By Mark Zuckerberg Female friends spend a raucous night validating the living shit out of each other, an exhausted sweatshop worker just has to laugh after sewing her fingers together, and a 5-year......
- Sale Of BET To White Supremacist Group Results In No Changes To Programming An alien world agrees to help Syria since this world refuses to, the sale of BET to a white supremacist group results in no changes to programming, and a little......
- Purity Of War Marred By One Bad Apple In Afghanistan A study finds that newborn infants can tell if their parents are losers, all 6.5 million residents of Indiana join together to form a collective consciousness, and Ray Ban is......
- Teen’s Death Hits Reporter Hard When a community loses a teen in a drunk driving accident, it’s Onion News Network reporter O’Brady Shaw who is most emotionally devastated. (Aired 10/11/11) Subscribe to The Onion on......
