Purchase Now from iTunes: onion.com While other media outlets bring you news as it happens, only the Onion News Network has the power to bring you the news before it happens. With our state-of-the-art wormhole satellites, we can now transmit Onion News Network broadcasts from the year 2137.
Related posts:
- ‘The Cressbeckler Stance’ — Coming Soon To The Onion News Network This spring on the Onion News Network ’08 Presidential candidate and unabashed straight-shooter Joad Cressbeckler returns to tackle today’s toughest issues. America’s Goin’ Joad....
- Breaking News: Some Bullshit Happening Somewhere Excruciating up-to-the-minute coverage of some irrelevant bullshit story that has no ramifications whatsoever....
- Semi-Literate Former Gold Prospector Given Own Cable News Show The former third party presidential candidate returns to helm ‘The Cressbeckler Stance’ and sound off on flannel-mouthed liars from Washington to Wall Street....
- Congress Announces Plan To Hide Nation’s Porn From Future Generations Congress hopes the Pornographic Media Concealment Act will ensure a lasting, respectable legacy for our nation, unmarred by the massive quantities of filthy porn we regularly consume....
- Live Feed: Obama Attends The White House Maintenance Staff Annual Dinner Live O-SPAN coverage of the 75th annual dinner with a special awards presentation to the crew who tirelessly buffed every inch of the White House State Floor this past winter....
- “Weird Al” Yankovic – Headline News Music video by “Weird Al” Yankovic performing Headline News. YouTube view counts pre-VEVO: 248230. (C) 1994 Volcano Entertainment lll, LLC...
- Internet Archaeologists Find Ruins Of ‘Friendster’ Civilization Researchers conducting the Friendster excavation say the site has been deserted since the year 2005 AD...
- Census Visits Providing Shut-Ins Once-A-Decade Chance For Human Interaction On Today Now!, 87-year-old Beverly DeAngeles gives tips for trapping a census worker in your home for as long as possible....
- Boy Finds Own Real-Life ET 11 year old Thomas Demming visits Today NOW! with the magical friend he hid for weeks in his bedroom closet....
- WTF! I’m Old! SEE IAN INTERVIEW HIS FUTURE SELF: bit.ly FOOD BATTLE 2010 NEWS: bit.ly GET A CHARLIE T-SHIRT! smosh.com Ian drinks an experimental liquid to try to look older. Hey it’s our......
- I Love Lou Ferrigno! ANTHONY’S SONG FOR LOU: bit.ly 35 THINGS EVERY HULK FAN NEEDS: bit.ly Ian and Anthony travel to LA to find a wormhole. Hey it’s our very own website: smosh.com Want......
- Silky at The Royal Philharmonic Hall 2006 Stand Up Comedy Here is the Norths Finest musical comedian strutting his stuff at The Royal Philharmonic Hall in May of this year. Enjoy...
- Boys Tragic Death Could Have Happened To Any Family With 20-Foot Pet Python Rich and Lisa Shaw say there were no warning signs that their 300-pound Burmese Python would crush and eat their 3 year old son....
- Tony Roberts – “Big Girls vs. Skinny Girls” Available on DVD: bit.ly Download the audio at iTunes, available now: tinyurl.com Comedian Tony Roberts showcases his hilarious and refreshingly energetic comedy in his first-ever stand-up comedy special. The Detroit......
- Ben Hurley live at The Comedy Store, London “It’s easy see why he’s been given that ‘one to watch’ tag” The Dominion Post(NZ) “He delivers his set with an accomplished, award winning air” The Capital Times(NZ “He can......
- Al-Qaeda Calls Off Attack On Nation’s Capitol To Spare Life Of ‘Twilight’ Author ONN’s Terrorism Expert Omar Al-Farouq explains how Al-Qaeda’s love for the beloved teen vampire series prevented the death of thousands....
- Obama’s Home Teleprompter Malfunctions During Family Dinner Officials say the President’s home teleprompter is simply a tool to make sure pillow talk with Michelle or conversations with his Mother-In-Law go smoothly....
- If You’re Into It – Flight Of The Conchords (Lyrics) If You’re Into It Flight Of The Conchords Series One – Episode Four – Yoko If you want me to I can hang ’round with you If I only knew......
- Special Report: Turkeys Gone Wild – Special Report A Channel 8 News Special Report on violence heading YOUR way on Thanksgiving Day. Tune in to find out what happens when turkey loves you… without your consent. A comedy.com......
- You Don’t Have To Be A Prostitute – Flight Of The Conchords (Lyrics) You Don’t Have To Be A Prostitute Flight Of The Conchords Series Two – Episode Two – The New Cup Oooohooooh Its a cold night, beneath the street light, there’s......
