Why do we revere the pathetic trifling of man’s closest animal relative when a mentally devoid human could accomplish the same thing faster and better? It is one of nature’s many inconsistencies. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow The Onion on Twitter: www.twitter.com
Related posts:
- Zebras: Nature’s Ultimate Prey – Horrifying Planet Docile and begging for death, the zebra traverses the African plain, counting down the seconds until a predator tears the flesh from its bone. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube:......
- Lake Dredge Appraisal – Chicken Wire/Muddy Pot David “Kim” Parker is appraising dredged items in Helcomb County, and Captain Hiram has a mass of chicken wire that may not be worth as much as originally thought. Subscribe......
- Brain-Dead Teen, Only Capable Of Rolling Eyes And Texting, To Be Euthanized The parents of 13-year old Caitlin Teagart have decided to end her life, saying she can now do nothing but lay on the couch and whine about things being “gay.”......
- Mountain Dew Can Provides Pleasant Challenge For Appraiser – Lake Dredge Appraisal Kim sleuths down the origin of a Mountain Dew can, with unexpected results. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow The Onion on......
- My iPhone Is Covered In White Mold! Help! – Troublehacking with Drew Cleary There’s no app for fixing your iPhone when it gets covered in white mold, but luckily there’s a Trouble Hacker! I’m showing you guys how to get rid of this......
- Behind The Pen: How Marriage Works Onion editorial cartoonist Stan Kelly is one of the world’s top opinion-makers. He gets up close and personal in this new video series. See the cartoon, Holy Matri-Money, here: onion.com......
- Sexy Truth or Sexy Dare – Sex House – Ep. 2 Jay plays sexy doctor to Tara after she gets a second-degree burn from a blast of scalding hot air. Frank and Erin enjoy a post-sex thank you basket filled with......
- This Week In History: Sears Tower Constructed With Bold Challenge To God Engraved On Roof The Onion reflects on the discovery of the first lesbian, the joyous Hindenburg explosion, and the Sears Tower’s challenge to God. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The......
- Nike Releases New Olympic Track Suits Designed To Limit Penis Wind Resistance In this week’s GOOMF, Doc and Kenny pick their own poison, downing lethal doses of Dale Jr.’s new losing streak, the Heat’s Chalmers-based offense, and Nike’s tracksuit that streamlines the......
- Teen’s Death Hits Reporter Hard When a community loses a teen in a drunk driving accident, it’s Onion News Network reporter O’Brady Shaw who is most emotionally devastated. (Aired 10/11/11) Subscribe to The Onion on......
- Miami Marlins Deploy Airborne Drones to Seek Young Fans, Shoot T-Shirts At Them The Face is Off and the hate is real as Kenny and Doc discuss Bosh’s new addiction to belly rubs, the Marlin’s child-targeting, t-shirt firing drones, and NBA ref Joey......
- Troublehacker – Whenever I Leave The House, Broken Glass Cuts My Feet Hey there bipeds! Big pieces of glass lacerating your feet? No need to track blood through your step-father’s house when there’s a simple fix! And all of the materials can......
- Sex House – Meet The Nymphos – Ep. 1 Six sexy singles move into America’s hottest mansion meticulously designed for only one thing: sex. Tara, Jay and the gang kick off the best three months of their lives with......
- This Week In History: VE Day Commemorated With Historic Radio Address From FDR’s Rotting Corpse The Onion looks back at Alabama’s first desegregated mass suicide, the historic VE Day Speech from FDR’s rotting corpse, and the completion of the transcontinental railroad with the gold-plated femur......
- Romney, Santorum Supporters To Beat Living Shit Out Of Each Other At Montana Primary Onion News Network political analyst Jason Copeland explains Montana’s unique primary process, in which the state’s delegates are awarded to the winner of a no-holds-barred street fight. Subscribe to The......
- Tea Party Quiet… Too Quiet The Tea Party has all but disappeared, but an expert urges us not to think they won’t be back. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on......
- Obama’s Approval Rating Down After Photos Surface Of Him Eating Big Sandwich All Alone Voters describe recent images of Obama eating a gigantic hoagie all by himself “somehow very sad.” Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow......
- Nation’s First Boombox-Carrying, Rollerskating Congressman Broke Boundaries On This Day In History, the first boombox-carrying congressman skated his way into the Capitol. (Aired 10/4/11) Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com......
- Eli Manning Asks Dad If He Can Stop Playing Football Now Eli Manning wins the Super Bowl, but not his freedom from football. It’s a special GOOMF Blast! Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com......
- Police: Kidnapped MoveOn.org Staffer’s “Please Help” Emails Went Completely Ignored Police: Kidnapped MoveOn.org Staffer’s “Please Help” Emails Went Completely Ignored Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow The Onion on Twitter: www.twitter.com...
